sare face

When you get a shout to the A&E it can be a worry.
So I approached this one with a wee bit of trepidation and, yup, when I get there and call out the name this young lad stands up in the waiting area with a face covered in dried in blood and has obviously had a good doin'.
Nearly did an about turn but immediately felt sorry for the guy so I help him into the car (this was at Christmas and it was bitter cold and snowing).
Turns out he's been home from University and out in Kirrie for a drink with his pals, when two local toerags start picking on him for no reason. He reckons they were jealous of him as someone who had made it out of the wee town. Anyway the two of them beat him up get themselves arrested and here he is bruised and bewildered. He lives away out in the country and he's a really good kid, we end up having a laugh as he kind of tries to forget the night's incidents. Wee lesson for me, never jump to conclusions about people.
I drop him and make my way back to the city, the moon is as bright as a searchlight and the fields are brilliant white with frost and snow. Joni Mitchell comes on the radio right on cue.

It's coming on Christmas


They're cutting down trees

They're putting up reindeer

And singing songs of joy and peace

Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on

God bless ye Joni .................... And the place the young guy lived? ......... Jericho

The case came up in the paper a couple of months later and the two tubes who turned out to be brothers got the customary slap on the wrist. Grrrrrrrr!!

One of my worst passengers surprisingly (or not)

Was a traffic cop.

Gets in with his missus and elderly mum and dad.

They've been at the old couples anniversary bash.

Pretty soon the swearing starts.

This is what some people do when they want to show you how "street" they are.

His old dear tells him to quiet down but he ignores her and demands that I put the foot down.

"You trying to get me done" I say.

"Dinna worry pal ehm a traffic cop eh'll get ye aff"

I snort with derision as I've heard that one before.

"No he is" says his missus, almost aplogetically.

The rest of the journey is listening to this guy effing and blinding all the way home berating anything he can think of, my car, my driving his wife, workmates and the world in general.

This is one bitter dude.

When we get to his place he climbs a fence and urinates in his neighbour's garden.

I've got some mates who are proper coppers as it were and they hold the traffic guys in complete contempt.

Never there when things get nasty, never back you up in a scrap, that kind of thing.

Now I can see why.

Been stopped by them once or twice and they always try the good cop, bad cop routine, like they're in some crap old movie.

Stick to chasing boy racers chaps.   

Katherine

Because the company I worked with had a Health Board contract I was always picking up medical staff  from the local hospitals.

One of my favourite customers was black South African nurse called Katherine.

She was quite a big lass with a brilliant bubbly personality, always happy and full of the joys of life.

I always got my Sunday name from her and it was usually "Good  morning Michael and how are you today?" in that great precise Afrikkan accent.

The only thing that hacked her off was some of her nursing colleagues.

She could never understand why young women in Scotland could come to their work and openly boast about how drunk they were the previous night or how they could (and this was a major Katherine gripe) smoke in public.

"Girls in my home town would be disgraced if they behaved in such a way" she would say.

Made me think of a mate of mine who taught briefly in Botswana and he would say that if a kid misbehaved in school the whole family would turn up and apologise to the teacher.

Loads of problems in Africa these days but with people like Katherine there is a great deal of hope.

Sheesh this is heavy stuff. Next post will be a good old taxi tale.  

Wee Snippets

Pulling a drunk guy out the back of the car and realising he's about 6'4". (I'm only 5'8" in thick socks.)

Getting invited up to a flat to finish off a bottle of vodka with a passenger twice in the same week .....unfortunately he was a he.

Meeting a world famous English international footballer and finding out that he was an incredibly nice guy.

Hearing about another driver getting a similar invite to above, only this time from a girl and when they get in the house she asks him to be quiet as her husband is in bed and has an early start next day.

New Years Eve

It's Hogmany (New Years Eve) and I'm bursting to get out working and make some serious dough.
The night starts off busy enough and I do a few good fares round the housing schemes and estates.
Then......the snow starts to come down, just a light flurry at first but soon it's heavier and within an hour it's a white out.
Fairly quickly some side roads are no-go and the main streets are looking dodgy.
I get a shout to an address I recognise and slowly head off.
It's a wee gay fella I've met before. He's a good laugh and I enjoy his camp banter.
We talk about the gay club he's going to and how I know lots of straight people who go there as the music is good and the atmosphere non-threatening and friendly.
He agrees and says it's amazing how even the most macho straight guys who go there get camper as the night goes on.
As we reach the town centre I'm crawling down a snow covered slope when the car in front swerves and skids to a halt side on.
I brake but it's that worst feeling in the world as nothing happens and I plough into the guy coming to an unscheduled stop.
Not much damage done or any injuries but my front end is crumpled so that's me off the road.
My passenger pays the fare and is off to celebrate but I'm stuck and going nowhere.
I call the office and they tell me to wait for the breakdown lorry.
I wait......and wait........ and wait.
Three hours late the harrassed guy turns up (it's been a busy night).
We're both freezing and severely hacked off.
We get the car on the trailer and he drops me off at the garage.
My own car is sitting there. I climb in ramp the heating up, put on some Steely Dan and thaw out.
I decide that's it for the night as even if another car becomes available the conditions are getting worse.
I scream out the garage and head for home.
As I get out of town the weather is clearing and by the time I am back in the house helping the wife and kids get rid of the best Indian Take Away I've ever tasted I'm making plans to get away from this crazy job.

Scary Monsters Super Creeps

I'm sitting at a city centre rank, it's about 8:30 in the evening.
Two beefy looking skinhead types get in, turns out they're Poles and don't have very good English.
I take off and just round the corner it occurs to me that I've just seen them get out of another taxi before they got into mine.
"House...north of town" one of them says, so I head off up the main road that leads out of the city.
"Not far" says skin number two.
They seem to be looking for the address almost immediately and we stop-start all the way up the road until we are heading for the edge of town.
They're either taking the piss or there is confusion caused by the language barrier and alcohol consumption (theirs not mine).
Then I'm struck with a sudden paranoid fear.
These guys are trying to get me out into the country to rob me of my hard earned.
I look in the mirror and I see two of the most evil looking tossers grinning maniacally back at me.
The last housing estate in town appears on my left so I take the access road and stop in a well lit street.
"That's it guys end of the line"
They mutter in Polish and I'm sure one of them gobs in the back.
The meter says seven quid but the first guy puts a fiver in the wee tray.
By this time I'm getting seriously pissed off at these clowns so I tell them it's a tenner.
"Only seven pound" says Lech Walesa banging the Perspex safety screen.
"Nah you're out of town so there's an extra" I chance.
They mutter away and I quietly lock all the doors, I'm driving a TX2 tonight and there's no escape should they try a runner. One of the other drivers dealt with a troublesome passenger in one of these cars by locking him in, burning up and down the street doing sixty, breaking violently and knocking the boy senseless off the inside of the cab.
I'm crapping myself but in this game when someone tries to do you out of a penny it's conflict time.
I stand my ground
"It's a tenner and I can sit here all night "
I'm bluffing of course, but it's a Mexican (or Polish) stand off now.
Suddenly the whole atmosphere changes when they weigh up the situation.
They're locked in the back of a taxi on the outskirts of a foreign town.
Any hassle and I can call the police or a couple of other drivers, the latter being the least desired option for them as a some of my colleagues actively seek out this kind of confrontation and would be suitably tooled up .
They might even be illegal so they don't want any attention.
The fiver is promptly exchanged for a tenner and I allow them to escape into the night.
I almost felt sorry for them, until a couple of months ago when the town was invaded by an army of identikit Polish football hooligans who wrecked a few pubs, beat up some innocent bystanders and generally created mayhem.
Tonight's lesson?
A thug's a thug in any language and I think this was a narrow escape.
Had I been driving an ordinary saloon car they would have jumped me no problem.

The Question

The question that's usually asked along with
"What time do you finish?"
"Busy?"
"Is this your car?"
Is
"Have you ever been offered a special favor by a young lady in lieu of the fare?"
Speaking honestly and because the wife might read this someday I would have to say no.
There have been "incidents" though.
There was one fairly presentable older woman who told me I was a "very s**y man" no idea why and obviously alcohol played a major part in her forming this opinion.
I had to relate this story back to my mate Tam in the driver's lounge and incredibly that night he had experienced a similar thing when a young lass getting out his car had leaned across and "snogged" him as a thank-you.
This has resulted in us still greeting each other as sexy and snogger much to the bemusement of passers-by.